Bilingual life and more

At the end of a life …
April 14, 2009, 11:39 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Nope, no chipper entry today. My heart is quite heavy as I write this, but I want to share it and see if I just have a twisted sense of what it should be about.

We went to see Michael’s grandma last week, who is in a nursing home now as her health slowly declined over the past few years. About half a year ago she became bed bound. She has three sons, non of them too far away, all of them retired, each visits maybe once a week. Well, when we saw her Thursday last week, she had not eaten in a few days nor taken her medication. She is ready to go to a better place. It is apparent, she has given in to the fight. She is dying. We came back with the news and on Friday the nursing home contacted the sons to let them know the situation was quite dire.

None of them made the effort to go visit her, to be at her side during this time. They want to wait until the next day, until they have all celebrated Easter together. We say the obvious, that she might not be with us anymore at that time. The answer is a “Then that is how it will be”.

Hold on a second… when a loved one dies, wouldn’t you want to be with them, be there for them during this difficult time? The Sunday sermon touched on this, as the women stayed with Jesus until he was dead, because they loved him.

This family is cold to this. They said something about, when the Eskimos loose their teeth they get send out to pasture to die. Well, is this like it? The mother/grandmother is just left to die alone in a bed, without any loved ones around? Is this how they want to to be treated at the end of their life?

She is a well-loved lady. She has done a lot for the family and was always there for anybody who needed her. Then again this woman raised these sons and maybe that is just how they do it in this family, but many of them don’t even go to say their last good bye’s. Do I have a twisted sense of what it should be like at the end of a life?


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Liebe Heike, Deine Gedanken kommen von Deinen Erfahrungen, die Du in Deiner Familie gemacht hast. Ich halte sie nicht für verdreht! Es ist natürlich für Dich, einen Angehörigen in egal welcher Situation begleiten zu wollen. Das bringt eine innere Verbindung zum Ausdruck. Wo jedoch dieses innere Verbindung nicht vorhanden ist – da gibt es auch keine Bereitschaft zur Begleitung. Liebe ist DIE innere Verbindung -. Doch es gibt eine solche Fülle von Liebeserfahrungen /Lebenserfahrungen, dass uns selober manches unverständlich bleibt. Es ist Dein gutes Recht, zu hoffen und zu wünschen, dass Du anders begleiten wirst und anders begleitet werden wirst. Abschied nehmen tut weh, doch wird es leichter, wenn wir es für uns selber in der zu uns passenden Form tun. Finde Deine Form – dann ist es ganz gradeaus und richtig für Dich. – Und niemand kann dagegen etwas sagen. Ich fühle mit Dir. Mama

Comment by Annemarie Scherf

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